Faith Transitions
by Diane Linsley
Suffering is the universal experience of all human beings. There is
no escape from suffering. Religion attempts to give meaning to
suffering and help people cope with it.
Religion also provides a way to pass on values to the next
generation. It gives us ideals to live up to, along with a sense of
purpose and community. It helps us make sense of life by giving us a map to follow. But we must keep in mind that "the map is not the territory." A map can give you ideas about reality, but it's not Reality itself. The real Reality is much larger and more complex than any map.
Sadly, religious fervor may give way to bitter disappointment when life goes on hurting us, regardless of how faithful we are. Sometimes church members disappoint us when their actions don't live up to our expectations. Some narcissists use religion as part of their facade. Even well-meaning individuals who haven't gotten over their codependency may spiritually abuse others.
People who experience spiritual abuse can become jaded and "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Paradoxically, atheism is just another religion - another map - another ism.
Scientific materialism - the belief that only the physical world exists - is a popular religion these days. It's the cause of much suffering in the world as people expect science to solve all of their problems. Political affiliations taken to an extreme are another form of religion.
It's important to realize that the map is not the territory. Your map of reality, whatever that map happens to be, is not the real Reality. There is a real Reality, but words do not adequately describe it.
Reality can only be experienced. And you cannot give your experience to another human being. Every person must experience Reality for themselves. If you are a Christian, this means experiencing Christ as your Savior. The real experience puts an end to the ego's need to be right and fight with others over their beliefs. The same goes for any person in any religion. The map is not the territory.
Beyond the Map
All maps are doomed to failure, resulting in disappointment. But disappointment serves a higher purpose. It pushes us to keep asking questions and searching for answers. When childhood belief no longer works, we may be pushed into a new level of faith. This is when true spiritual seeking begins.
I became an avid spiritual seeker when I began meditating in 2007. Since then, I have read over 500 books on many topics including religion, philosophy and psychology.
My mind expanded beyond the borders of my own religion. I found truth and beauty in many places, and I assimilated all of this into my map of reality, expanding my identity and my understanding of what it means to be a human being. I began to experience myself as the mapmaker. The map is simply a tool that helps me to conceptualize Reality.
What is Faith?
In A Sociable God, Ken Wilber describes the 4 stages of spiritual development: Belief, Faith, Experience, and Adaptation.
Most people confuse faith with belief. Faith is the willingness to experiment on a belief. Faith requires action. When you have faith, you are willing to do an experiment to prove whether or not your beliefs are true. The experiment results in an experience - the third stage of spiritual development.
It's like doing a science experiment. You start with a hypothesis (belief). Then you create a theory based on the hypothesis. You do an experiment to prove or disprove the theory. After you have an experience, the beliefs that did not pass the test are discarded, and new beliefs are created to take their place. Then you do more experiments to test your new beliefs.
I used to believe that if I was a good girl, God would spare me from suffering. In Living with Chronic Pain, I describe how I was cured of this incorrect belief after 15 years of unrelenting jaw pain.
Once I started thinking consciously about what I believed, many old beliefs came crashing down, and new beliefs were created to take their place. I call this "changing your map of reality." It's a long and arduous process that requires much thought and effort. In essence, this is what a faith transition is.
My Faith Transition
As I experimented with my beliefs, I shifted from accepting other people's maps to taking responsibility for creating my own map.
"Fundamentalisms are really anxiety-management systems. That is to say, that in the face of ambiguity, which is troubling and disturbing to ego consciousness, I will grasp towards certainty. I find in fundamentalism a definition of clarity - what's right, what's wrong, who are the good people, who are the bad people. It removes from me the tremendous burden of having to make those decisions by myself on an individualized basis." ~James Hollis, "What is a Mature Spirituality?" - interview with Tami Simon.
James Hollis says that spiritual abuse is like forcing someone to like the same food as you, and making it a crime to not like it. He asks us to consider what resonates with us. Resonance can't be faked. If it doesn't feel right, then it may not be right for you. But that doesn't mean it's not right for someone else.
When I began finding goodness, truth and beauty in many places, I became curious, and I wanted to learn more. The joyful experience of continual expansion fed my soul. I've experienced all of Ken Wilber's stages of ego development - egocentric, ethnocentric, worldcentric and kosmocentric.
I no longer need to always be right (egocentric). I no longer need to follow the group without questioning (ethnocentric). I try to serve humanity in the world to the best of my ability (worldcentric). But my ultimate joy is in aligning with my soul's purpose and God's will (kosmocentric).
The biggest change I've noticed in myself is a great increase in compassion for other people. This comes from deeply listening to other people and practicing seeing the world from their perspective. It also comes from praying to know how I can serve others, and then doing what I am told to do.
Faith Transitions and Anxiety
It's essential to learn how to tolerate anxiety and ambivalence in order to let go of old maps. Fear had kept me trapped in narrow-mindedness. Meditation reduced my anxiety and freed me to explore new ideas and discover what resonated with me.
"In that free-floating cloud called anxiety, there are always specific fears. What are those fears? Fears of loss, fears of encountering something larger than I can handle. For example, if a person says, 'If I move in this direction, this could cost me my job or cost me a relationship.' Well, those are high stakes, to be sure. The question is, are they as high as what it costs you to live this diminished life?....Sooner or later, I have to face my fears. Sooner or later, I have to move through what is limiting me. Sooner or later, I have to grow up and show up." ~James Hollis
A Near-Death Experience
One of my most profound spiritual experiences was my near-death experience. It alleviated much of my fear, guilt and anxiety. I discovered that a great curiosity was at the root of my spiritual seeking.
In Lessons from the Light, researcher Kenneth Ring describes the near-death experiences of many people. Each person's experience is unique, but there are some common themes.
In my experience, I approached the Light with curiosity and an open mind (the result of years of meditation practice). I experienced the Light as an omniscient and infinitely compassionate Being.
I asked the Light who it was. I expected to receive a profound Biblical answer, but that would have been too easy. Instead, I had a spiritual experience that opened my mind and changed my heart.
A true spiritual experience doesn't confirm the ego and its limited map of reality. It destroys the flimsy map and crushes the ego. It takes us beyond ourselves into the unknown. It shakes us to the core and challenges our pre-existing beliefs. It took me many years to construct a new map of reality that could encompass what I learned in the tunnel.
Those who fear death also fear life. Since my experience, I've been able to do things that I was afraid to do before because I realize how quickly life passes. I know what it feels like to look back on my life (in the life review) and see things more clearly. I consider every decision in terms of how it will appear when I encounter the Light again someday.
Spiritual Seeking
Nobody believed me when I told them about my NDE. Most people were offended that my near-death experience didn't confirm their own beliefs and expectations. I realized that they didn't want to hear anything that challenged their pre-existing beliefs. I was alone on my spiritual path.
It takes great courage to be alone, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I no longer need other people to affirm my beliefs and experiences. What God thinks of me is more important than what other human beings think of me. I have learned how to rely on God.
I recently coached a client who was trying to decide whether or not to leave the religion of her youth. I told her that it was none of my business what she chose to believe. I was more concerned with whether or not she was living in integrity with her own values. I advised her to take some time to clarify her values and write them down. This helped her make the decision.
James Hollis says, "There's nothing more personal than what I consider those values that are central to me....If we don't experience the divine within, we'll be looking for it in the outer world."
Beliefs and Cognitive Development
Our beliefs can change over the course of our lives, whether or not we change religions. Change usually indicates growth. When we go to a new level of cognitive development, our beliefs have to be revised as we try to make sense of life from our new perspective.
Some people are so afraid of change that they remain basically the same throughout life - with only their physical bodies maturing. People who challenge themselves continue to change and grow.
Growth is often painful, which is why many people avoid it. James Hollis says, "The people that we most admire in history are often people who led very troubled and miserable lives. But we admire them because in some way they embodied the summons of their own soul."
Are you following the summons of your soul, or are you stuck in fears of what you might lose if you change? Whose approval are you afraid of losing? Are you living your own life or someone else's?
"If the life I'm living is, in some way, trivializing the magnitude of my own soul, that's a spiritual crime. We all have an appointment with our own souls. The question is, do we show up for the appointment or not?" ~James Hollis
Coming Full Circle
I now see more clearly the map I started out with. My religion taught me values that helped me create a meaningful life. It gave me a vocabulary for spiritual concepts. It taught me basic skills for self-reflection and self-improvement. It gave me opportunities to serve others.
As I continue in my development, studying various maps and integrating my own experiences, my own map of reality is gradually becoming a more complete (though still imperfect) representation of Reality. We need maps to function in the world. They have limitations, but when we understand their purpose and see them objectively, we transcend them. Transcend doesn't mean discard. It means "transcend and include."
Wouldn't it be nice if we could stop fighting over our different maps? Each person has the right to choose their own map. But we should also be seeking with faith to go beyond the map to the stage of experience. Personal experience helps us rewrite our maps to make them more accurate.
Here's a meditation for accepting change.
Be well,
Diane Linsley
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