Emotional Healing Process
by Diane Linsley
This is a process I teach to clients who are dealing with emotional
issues. I recommend practicing it for 15 to 20 minutes each day.
If you do it consistently, you will eventually train your mind to
process emotions and move into positive thinking automatically.
When I do this process myself, I sit on a special chair. Next to the
chair is a small table with a lamp, notebook and pen. My teddy bear is also there, so I have someone to hold and talk to. Sometimes I play soft music in the background. I've found that certain songs help me to process certain emotions.
Here are the steps:
1. Name the emotion (fear, anger, sadness, etc.). Locate where you feel the emotion in your body.
2. Write down the emotion, and give it an intensity rating on a scale of 1-10.
3. Take a few minutes to write your thoughts. Start by writing, "I feel (sad, angry, etc.) because...."
4. If fear is not the first emotion that comes up, you may want to address it, too. Fear often underlies other emotions. Write, "I'm afraid that...."
5. Process the emotion using breathing techniques, prayer, Voice Dialogue or Tonglen. Work on one emotion at a time. When dealing with shame, which is a complex emotion, break it down into its component parts, which are fear, anger and sadness. Work on each of these parts separately.
One technique I often use is to put my hand over my heart (or wherever I feel the emotion), and say out loud, "Even though I feel ___, I still love and accept myself."
If the emotion has to do with guilt over something you did wrong, you need to work it out with God through prayer and repentance. When it comes to guilt, positive affirmations are like "putting ice cream on top of poop." Facing the wrongdoing is the only way to have peace of mind. But don't torture yourself or withhold compassion. For more help, watch this video with Doreen Virtue.
6. Self-soothe from the voice of Self-Compassion or your higher self. Speak to yourself out loud as if you are a parent soothing a child. You might say something like, "You will be okay. Even though you are having a difficult time, I love you unconditionally. You are a good, kind, smart person. You can do this." This is compassionate self-talk. You might like to write the words that come to you.
7. Shift from past to future: "Here's what I can do now to improve my situation." This shifts you into the part of the brain that thinks positively and is focused on taking action to create a better future. Write down one small thing you can do today.
8. If you want to go even further with your emotional healing, do the Gratitude Process.
Pay close attention to your body as you do each of these steps. Where do you feel the emotions? Notice how your energy shifts throughout the session. When you finish the process, review what you wrote on the paper.
Re-rate your feelings on a scale of 1-10. If there's still some intensity, you may want to go through the process again. But don't do too much in one day, which can be exhausting and counterproductive. A little bit each day is better than a lot all at once.
Breathing Techniques
Deep Breathing - When breathing in, imagine filling up the lower belly, then the chest, and finally, the head. When breathing out, just relax and let the breath go naturally. Don't push it out. Breathe through the nose, not the mouth. This calms the nervous system.
Accepting/Releasing - As you breathe in, think the word "accepting." As you breathe out, think the word "releasing." Continue breathing like this until you experience a shift or a feeling of release.
Emotional Intelligence
It's important to actually do this process, not just read about it. This is a powerful process, and I want you to experience it.
I did this process every day for 6 months when I was recovering from narcissistic abuse. Once my mind was trained, it began going through the steps automatically whenever I felt a negative emotion.
I use this process for all sorts of things, not just big traumas. Everyday annoyances are also grist for the mill. It's the daily practice that changes the brain.
Here's an inner child healing meditation.
Be well,
Diane Linsley
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